......and so it begins

You probably know by now that I have three young sons, ages 7, 6, and 3. I truly am blessed considering for the first seven years of our marriage we were starting to wonder if we would have any children at all. I was convinced that when or if we did that we would probably have a girl or girls seeing as there is an extremely high number in the family. Not that there would have been anything wrong with that, it was the fact that I was the last male in our family and you know how guys can get when faced with the end of the family name. No pressure right? Maybe that was part of the problem. Anyhoo... girls would have been great also but as I said, we were blessed with 3 boys and they all arrived in pretty close approximation, you do the math.

There is a different set of challenges presented when you are talking about either boys or girls. A few years ago, as the two older boys "playfully" wrestled around in front of us, I told my wife that there would come a day when they would go at it and the only thing we would be able to do is move the things we didn't want broken and wait for the outcome. My wife thought this notion to be utter balderdash, not our boys, they were going to be best of friends. Right, we'll see.

Up to this point my wife has, for the most part, been correct. There have been a few haymakers thrown, an unseen push or two, a couple kicks, and some choke holds, but all in all pretty harmless. Most of these transgressions have been committed by the two older boys being only 15 months apart, there is a constant battle for supremacy, in everything they do. They have learned to pick their battles and sometimes will allow the other to be crowned without conflict, while other times it is on like Donkey Kong. This is why I was so surprised when the first report we received from school about a nasty playground confrontation involved my three year old.

I guess it would kind of make sense now that I think about it, he has had ringside seats for some of the greatest bouts in the house. He has entered the fray as a third party occasionally but usually is sent back out as quick as he got it. Did I mention they are all a little large for their respective ages? The oldest weighed 10 lbs. 8ozs. when born. The 6 year old was the shrimp of the group at 8 lbs. 12 ozs. The youngest carried on the string of consecutive C-sections, weighing in at 9 lbs. 7 ozs. and they are still large for their age. The 7 year old is four feet eight inches tall in second grade, so they do carry a distinct reach advantage into any fray not involving their own siblings. I also have a penchant for watching mixed martial arts on TV, and they may have picked up a few things that they are experimenting with, the "ground and pound", Muay Thai clinches, the rear naked choke to name a few.

Back to the call. I was coming home from basketball practice and called my wife to see how the day had went. I took the two "bigs" with me as she had meetings after school and received a memo stating that kids hanging around after school was not a "professional work environment" for some of the teachers, obviously their kids are grown or they have none. It's a school, right? I was a little concerned about what she might think when she saw the six year old as he had jumped off the grandstands in 007 style, tripped over his own feet, and bashed the side of his face into a divider that gave him a welt Sugar Ray Leonard would be proud of, but fortunately she was preoccupied with the story from preschool.

This is the account and can neither be confirmed nor denied: a child on the playground, I'm assuming close to the same age, apparently called my son the big one, yes the queen mother of all insults to a 3 year old......."You are a BABY!" My son proceeded to grasp the victim by the shoulders, dig his nails in, and shake him like a rag doll, dispensing him on the ground as soon as he ran out of energy. Now I am faced with another parenting conundrum, I don't want my kid to be that kid, but let's get real, 3 years old or not, you call someone a baby and it's go time. Did this kid think my boy was going to agree? Yes, you are right, I am a baby. NO! He has spent his whole life trying to shed that little doozie, one the "bigs" occasionally bring up just to watch him go off, it's kind of a game for them. Maybe that kids parents need a note saying how rude their three year old was being, or...... how about 3 five minute rounds in the octagon after nap time. Now we're talking.

I don't care how old or where you are, you call someone a baby and you only have two choices. You can tap out, or you can black out. Atta kid!