I know it's been awhile but I couldn't let this one slip by. It's not that there hasn't been plenty of material to use I've just been lazy, and for that, I apologize. This just happened this evening as the family decided we should go out to dinner. We all kicked around a few ideas, and after deciding that we should stay close to home, the overwhelming decision was to hit one of our favorite Mexican food restaurants, Guadalajara. With the choice made I was silly enough to think we would just jump in the car and head out. Nope, not when your wife is a teacher, and your second grader is having trouble spelling 'another'. So after about fifteen minutes of agonizing spell check and re-writing we were ready. I, naturally, was the first in the car, passenger seat of course as my wife says I am not allowed to drive her new car. Whatever. That's when I notice my youngest son's swim goggles on the floor and decide it would be funny to be wearing them when my wife comes out. The two older boys get in the car and enjoy my hi jinx immensely. My wife then gets in the car, glances at me and declares that she is surrounded by 'freaks'. She is right, and the boys also enjoy this statement.
As we arrive at the restaurant and the conversation of what kind of car you need to have to impress the girls is wrapping up between the boys and their mother, we notice the place is going to be packed because of all the cars. This is now a signal to myself and the two older boys that we may have an 'audience' and we will all be bringing our A game. We are seated along a side wall in a booth, much to the dismay of the three Shepherd clowns. A booth really cuts down on our comic stylings, oh well we'll have to make the best of it. So after the eating of the lemon wedge races, and chugging down approximately four gallons of soda between the three boys things are winding down somewhat. That's when the oldest reaches deep into his bag of tricks and whips out a one liner that never fails to crack up the ten year old, "You know kid, you're a good egg". Harmless as it appears it has the desired effect and my ten year old starts laughing so hard he starts choking. Being versed in these situations I ask if he is alright, the choking continues, so I start to pat him on the back. He stops making choking sounds for a moment, glances up at me, then proceeds to vomit up his cheese crispy on the seat we are sharing. Yep, pukes. Now having three boys has steeled my nerves to such atrocities and I casually ask my youngest to hand me a napkin. I make the initial swipe for clean-up and toss the napkin in the empty chip basket on the table. Big mistake, I look at my wife, oldest son, and youngest son and they all start retching and gagging. Don't put it on the table, my wife says, right, like I'm going to put it in my pocket or something. I clean the rest up and cover the chip basket with another napkin, then head to the men's room and throw it all in the trash.
When I get back to the table, it's business as usual and everyone has recovered. Walking to the car my ten old says his shorts smell like puke now so he decides to strip down to his skivvies. The oldest refuses to be out done and follows suit. I tell my wife she should park in the drive and open the doors to embarrass them and she does. This plan backfires as the boys jump from the car in nothing but their underwear and run around the front yard insanely pleased with themselves. My oldest grabs a scooter and rides it down the block. The neighbor across the street that is trying to sell his house steps out on his porch and yells, this is why I can't sell my house. He is joking,..... I think.
Let this be a lesson to anyone who might be brave enough to come to our house, or worse yet, ask us out to dinner, you cannot stop us, you can only hope to contain us.
